What Success means

In light of Veterans Day, I felt inspired to talk about what it means to be successful and what it means to be a military significant other, which is a role I have been living since the day I met and fell in love with my Matthew. Matt and I recently relocated back to the East Coast from living the California Dream in March of 2015. At his current station, his boat deploys six plus months out of the year. During those six months, our communication is limited to spotty emails and if i'm the luckiest, a phone call once a month. I told him, I can handle this. I have a career in the fashion industry that I love. I have worked very hard over the past 8 years to get where I am and when he is gone, I am usually able to focus all energy into my job and separate the emotions that come along with the absence, loneliness, planning our wedding alone, and above all, missing his presence. One weekend over the Summer, I had zero plans so as if I didn't have enough alone time, I decided to take all my Glamour and InStyle magazines that were collecting dust (because Matt came home for a few weeks) to the beach, sit, sip wine, and get real with myself. I opened the first Glamour magazine that had Anna Kendrick on the front - love that girl- and went straight for the Editors note because it's always the most inspiring to me. Of course, it spoke to me like the best aged wine ever would. "Success is sometimes measured in how you make the people around you feel." I quite literally burst into tears alone at the beach with a Glamour mag and a glass of wine - picture that wouldya? It hit me; that if I am feeling SO lonely and SO miserable when my significant other is gone, I must be unsuccessful. I have suddenly gone from being independent and happy and loving my career to feeling like I was becoming this dependent, needy woman who can't be happy without her man. We're going to move a lot, so what am I going to do? I won't always work for a company that lets me pick up and go. I'm a designer, how am I supposed to feel inspired all the time when my inspiration is gone? Who am I now, how did I become her,and how am I going to pull myself out of this feeling? I ended up packing up my things and going home, thinking that a run would clear my head since it usually does. I started with the intention of doing my normal 3.1 mile loop through downtown Portsmouth but somewhere in there, my music and my thoughts got to me. I started crying while I was trying to keep pace, and I swear it was like the Forrest Gump scene, except a little bit prettier I hope. I literally felt so lost without Matt that I couldn't keep it together even while I was doing the things I loved. Running always makes me feel better, for me it's a stress reliever and it clears my head instantly. This time was different. I was crying so ugly that I ran straight through downtown to the beach and stopped only a split second to dump my iPhone and bright pink, oversized SkullCandy headphones in the sand and jumped in the ocean in all my clothes, socks, and running shoes. I needed it. I needed that clarity to get my head in the right place. And let's be serious, I could have jumped in the water while I was at the beach earlier- when I was in proper beach attire, but I am never one to follow rules. It was in that moment of despair and slight embarrassment from onlookers that I realized something as I walked out of the water fully clothed and soaking wet. Matt is who motivates me, Matt is who pushes me to be the best I can be, Matt is who inspires me. "Success is sometimes measured in how you make the people around you feel." Matt makes me feel wonderful. Matt suffers too when he's deployed. He's on a steel boat unable to see land for the better part of the year, he's saving lives, performing drug interdictions, stopping illegal immigrants, and staying up until all hours of the night to ensure that our Nation is protected from Land to Sea. Matt feels alone too and separated from me and our life and our dog. Matt comes home and doesn't feel comfortable in our own home because he's been gone so long. We both have different emotions when he deploys but they end up being the same. We've been separated for almost half our relationship and there are times like I just described where I go nuts. And then there are the times when I write Matt emails 5 times a day that are all inclusive - like dude, guess what I ate today- shameful. And I write him letters as if they are written by our dog, Nyia. I send him photos and created a Vine account so he doesn't miss every. thing. He takes all of the time he can spare and puts it towards writing me something that makes me laugh, or when he has enough internet access, sends me a dozen roses at work or orders me slippers and a throw for our couch when the seasons changed to not-so-California-like weather. So, what I am getting at is, if success is measured in how you make the people around you feel, than we are a successful couple, both personally and professionally.  I couldn't be more proud of Matt for his time in the Marine Corp, the 2 tours he served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and his current active duty status. He always goes above and beyond to help others, and always finds time to make me feel like I am not alone and like I can achieve anything. He is my most favorite Veteran, and I will be just fine as long as I have him by my side (figuratively and literally). When you think about Veterans Day going forward, think about what you're really thanking your Veterans for.